The loneliness I love

She's like a tiresome lover. I fight with her, hate what she does to me sometimes so much that I dream of when I'll leave. Then I actually consider doing the deed and realize that dammit I'll miss her. So I decide to take the heartache she brings, the separation from so many other things I love and I hope that one day she'll be what I dreamed of, or maybe that I'll eventually change to suit her. My love affair with Japan has definitely moved from a one-year 'stand' into a full on commitment. And like many a man caught in the tangles of a bewitching woman, I'm baffled how I'm still here when each year I promise it'll be the 'last'. Is it her quiet, unassuming manner? Is it the moment when I'm so high on self-indulgence that I forget my pains and say, ok, just one more time?